This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
