jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
