I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
