if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
