Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
