so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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