My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
