Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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