I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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