dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
