glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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