omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
