I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
