You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
