she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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