So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
