im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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