WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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