You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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