You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
