I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
