Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
