No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize