he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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