Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
