you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
