This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to have your abortion
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
