i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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