I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
