Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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