This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
