running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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