Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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