i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
