wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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