I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
