i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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