K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
