We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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