I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
