Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
