Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
