I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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