I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
