she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
