Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
honey bunches of taint.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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