I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
