I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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