He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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