you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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