why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
