you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
