Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
