the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
