wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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