i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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