I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
