I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
