Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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