There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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