Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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