It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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