i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
