What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
