Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize