So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
