RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
