1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
