how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
