I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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