I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"