Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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